If you support returning reason (and mad writing skills) to the White House, consider voting Bayard / Lamb in 2012!
Laird: I feel like politicians always overlook writers. Without writers, who would write political biographies and memoirs? Don’t we deserve a break? Tell us how the Bayard/Lamb ticket will benefit this oft forgotten segment of voting America.
Bayard/Lamb: As writers ourselves, we value writers and know what an asset their creativity can be, particularly in the field of math. We will give writers jobs fixing the economy, the prison system, the unrest in the Middle East, and any problems associated with domestic oil drilling, because those issues are going to take a lot of creativity to fix.
Laird: What is your campaign theme song and why?
Bayard/Lamb: We like Lee Greenwood’s song Proud to Be an American because it’s about time that Americans are proud again. Some politicians want us to be more Asian, and others want us to be more European. How about we remember that we are American, and this is the greatest country on the planet?
Laird: At your inaugural ball, what foods will be served? (I’m looking for an all you can eat caviar bar, here. Wahoo’s fish tacos would also be a plus.)
Bayard/Lamb; We will be serving fresh, organic, gluten free fare, but don’t cringe. That stuff can be really tasty when it’s done right. Things like steak, fresh salads, hearty wheat-free breads, and lots of apple cobbler made with oat flour. Caviar is out of our budget, but I think we can certainly work a gluten free fish taco that’s to die for.
We believe that the rise in cancers and “heck-if-I-kno” diseases is largely due to the fact that our food in this nation can no longer be classified as actual food. If you don’t believe us, look closely at the compressed, unidentifiable, spongy stuff that passes for chicken nuggets. It never met any part of a chicken. The only chicken it’s ever met is the assclown who came up with it.
Laird: Should America adopt the metric system or kick it old school with our current weights and measures?
Bayard/Lamb: Old school all the way. It’s come to light that the American Revolution was, at its core, a rebellion against the metric system that the British Empire was anticipating at the time. When someone asked George Washington to convert from gallons to kiloliters, it was just the last straw. Those signers of the Declaration of Independence didn’t fight and die for us to start tossing our miles for meters now. It’s ok to be different. That’s what being American is about.
Laird: American Idol: Did it die when Simon left or is it back, better than ever, now that Steven Tyler is on board?
Bayard/Lamb: Simon was the heart of that show. Everyone needs a Death Star to blast them out of their delusions of artistic grandeur, and Simon was Idol’s Death Star. (Kristen is Piper’s. Kristen’s agent, Russell Galen, is hers.)
Laird: Can you get my kid to eat vegetables? Because I can’t.
Bayard/Lamb: Actually, Piper has a clever way, and it makes for some April Fools fun. On April Fools Day, tell your tots that they must eat vegetables before every meal, or they will have bad luck for the rest of the year. However, be ready to cop to it if they come home crying from kindergarten because they forgot to eat a carrot before their pizza. (Ask Piper how she knows this.)
Laird: What pet will President Bayard be bringing to the White House?
Bayard/Lamb: Piper’s pets will be a pack of war dogs, which she will release in the Capitol Building whenever Congress misbehaves.
We’d like to thank Laird for hosting this Bayard/Lamb 2012 Campaign Blog Tour stop today. It’s been an honor.
If you would like to host the Foxie with Moxie Pair on a Blog Tour Stop, please contact Piper at [email protected]. We would love to visit and continue our quest to bring common sense back to America.
What do you think? Were my questions hard-hitting enough? Have Bayard/Lamb won your vote?
26 Comments
Top-notch interview, Laird!! I love that you hit them with such tough questions and they didn’t shy away from answering. The American Idol question was great, and their response was delightfully amusing. I also love the idea of a pack of war dogs roaming the halls of the Capitol Building.
Also, I heartily concur regarding the necessity of serving Wahoo’s fish tacos at the inaugural ball.
Thanks! I’m pretty sure that after this, I’m going to get a call from a major news outlet, impressed with my mad interview skills. I’m going to go ahead and wait by the phone.
I love the idea of the dogs of war. That pretty much sealed the deal for me.
You are too kind. Thank you for your support. It’s astute citizens such as yourself who are the backbone of common sense.
*blink*
I’m so . . . confused.
About the war dogs?
It was that metric system thing, right? I know. They just don’t teach that in history classes.
I think the Idol question was the most significant. It shows that the Bayard/Lamb White House would be tough and probably wouldn’t negotiate with terrorists or no-talent Bieber wannabes.
I agree. Militant Bieber Wannabees are a threat not to be taken lightly.
You are correct, Julie! We do not negotiate with terrorists or wannaBiebers.
wannaBiebers *snort*
I absolutely loved this interview. You asked all the real questions, the questions the constituents really want answers to. Thank you! Though I have no interest in attending the ball because of the food, I would love to meet all those dogs. Also, I need a Death Star!
Here’s the beauty of the inaugural ball. It will be live on Twitter from the White House lawn so you will be able to join us with your own fare. Btw, we’ll have some healthy BBQ going with those fish tacos. Thanks for your support, April!
Insightful interview, cutting right to the core of what’s important to voters these days. I am especially impressed by the topic of non-food items being paraded as “food” in our country. I will keep my eye on these two…
Thank you, Tami. We appreciate you support. I know our healthy food plan doesn’t sound tasty to everyone, but that’s only because people have forgotten how great real food tastes.
The Bayard/Lamb team appears to be re-instating the “sense” back into “common.” I have a question – would they send government agency reps to harass four-year-old preschoolers and teach them lunches from home are bad?
Absolutely not! We do not believe in harassing four-yr-old preschoolers for any reason, except, perhaps, to help clean up the blocks and other toys. We would like to see them have real food available to them whether it’s coming from home or from the school lunch, but that certainly isn’t their responsibility. Thank you for your support.
Once when the pediatrician asked if my kids ate lots of vegetables I said, “Well, I serve them.” Wish I’d had the April Fools trick up my sleeve back then…
Thanks for a great interview!
Lol. Glad you enjoyed it, Liv. Thank you for your support.
Great interview! I especially liked the bit about everyone needing a death star and the war dogs. If both of those were employed regularly, it might not improve capitol hill’s legislative abilities, but we all would certainly be more willing to put up with their foolishness. Bayard/Lamb all the way!
They definitely have my vote — although I really thought “Foxy Lady” would have been the campaign song. (So much for that Super PAC commercial with Jimi Hendrix in the background that I was putting together for Bayard/Lamb 2012.)
Foxy Lady would be so perfect!
Laird! How did your rising star blip fall from my radar screen?
Great questions and I, of course, have long supported Bayard/Lamb.
I know they plan an alphabet soup toss-up once in office. Not at the inaugural ball, because that would be messy…
Wonder if they’ll do away with the I.R.S. *shudder, strikes fear in most American hearts* in order to lower the STRESS levels of average Joe and Sally Lunchbox Americans (like me).
I recommend Pay the Piper. I know she won’t keep much for herself.
I agree. I’d rather pay Piper than the IRS. I have a feeling she’s a better money manager.
We-ellll, first up I need to confess that I’m Australian and I think metric rules!
But I agree with the other stuff, and if I *could* vote, I would…
On the food score, you should all totally read Michael Pollan’s In Defence of Food (if you haven’t already).
I’m putting that on my To-read list!
Thanks girls – a delightful post. Now I have one burning question: Once you rule your side of the globe and you then realise that Australia really is worth annexing – will you allow us to keep our colourful spelling.?
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[...] and how the Foxie with Moxie Pair will help you get your children to eat their vegetables. A Foxie with Moxie Campaign Stop [...]
[...] On the other hand, Bayard/Lamb 2012 never collects your data for any reason. This week, we’re honored to have a Campaign Blog Stop at Laird Sapir’s. Stop by and find out how the metric system contributed to the American Revolution, and how a pack of war dogs will improve Congress. A Foxie with Moxie Campaign Stop [...]